Stranger Than a Fiction...

When you pick me up, my favorite songs was always playing on my music system..."Kasak". You tell me not to speak, wanting to explain what is going on. I ask for you, but you just can't.

I've always cared for you. Always loved seeing you, hearing from you, fighting with you. At the same time, however, I've hated you. Despised you more than any person I know. You made me hurt in a way that I've never experienced, you embarrassed me, you left me. To this day I cry when I think about that night when you yelled and left our relationship to the WAVES. I laid in bed during that winters, weeping for reasons I don't even know. Crying for what happened. I had never felt that before.

Getting not a single letter from you nearly ripped me to shreds. It was an apology but I cried as if the "break-up" had happened again. My letter back was full of pent up resentment, and I think back now that it may have been too much to be said in a letter. When you read it you wrecked your heart. I made you as mad as you had made me. That was the point.

Eventually winter's gone, everything starts to fade..., seeing you the other day in my dreams made me livid again. I didn't deserve to even be in the same place as you. I didn't deserve your glances, you knew that. We fought when around each other, people complained about the tension we left in the air. We didn't care. We've never cared... :)

This time last year I tried this the first time. I came to you, convinced you of the importance of our relationship and You unwillingly agreed. Soon after, everything fell apart. As I come back to you. You told me "you can't let me in." I want to. I want to be the one to hold your hand, I want to walk holding your arm and feel joy, but I can't.

I told you of what I've done this year to keep you close as we walked around the gardens at night. You know something ...that story was beautiful "me and you", the "Teddy-bear b'day Present" that you thought were from a friend, the night I came to see "The Moon"--all unnoticed. I have always been there and You had no idea.I said that I want you but you felt its just like a dream. You had no idea that you had the ability to care anymore, but you still can't let go. There is something holding you back there.. Because I know you are never like this. Whether or not... this will happen again, I don't know. Jumping in head first brought me more pain that I ever thought imaginable. I'm here to say that I am willing to eventually walk up to the shore and ease into that SEA where we left US.

Right now, however, I'm not even close to the water.