One of My Kind...like a Strangest journey in free fall

Faith Faith Faith....
Trust Trust Trust....
my head's keeps spinning around these things...well because they matter to me.

I've talked about faith a couple of times on the blog...like now..
And here's the thing....

I DO have faith.  In things that I know to be true.  Even the ones I can't see. 
I have faith that the sun will always rise in the East and set in the West. I have faith that the world will keep spinning like my "head". I have faith in her love and my love for her. 

And I have faith that things work out eventually.

So, maybe that's not your definition of faith. But to me it is, so go with me.
Putting your faith in people is hard.  People are fallible.  People are weak.  People don't always act the way that you think that they will.

And sometimes they disappoint you. And if you've put your faith in someone for a long time (like for 5 long years, in my case) and they were not deserving of your faith in the first place, you end up getting hurt, shattered and badly broken from inside..

And it's that much harder to ever put your faith in someone again. 

I HAVE....!! And most of the time I think I'm over it. The irreparable damage that it's done to my psyche. 

But I still falter from time to time. I need reassurance. Reassurance that the person in whom I'm putting my faith and trust is not going to hurt me.

And that's weak of me. But I'm a person too. And, as they say, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." 

What can I say? I've been disappointed before.... Just like everyone else. But you never get anywhere if you can't hold on to that little piece of you that's still willing to try. To give it a chance.  To TRUST someone. 

If you can't do it, you live your life in a haze. You don't have the crushing rejection and hurt. But you never get to have the ecstasy either. And both exist. I have to believe that they do. 
I have faith that they do. 
And so, I try.
Do you?  Do you REALLY try? 

I do.  With all my heart.  Because I have faith in someday....

well this "chunk" of my life experience is dedicated to my friend RAMANNDEEP SINGH..

"....And so, somehow we will carry on, find a way to keep things going. There are blue and white butterflies dancing in the cold sunlight, the dog is digging a hole in what used to be the front garden, a small squirrel in  climbing the old oak tree in search of a hidden cache of  acorns.
Immanence. Just to stay here now and breathe deeply...."

I've Been a very bad blogger

First, my apologies. I knew a lot of time had gone by since my last post, but when people started to ask, “Are you OK?” I knew I’d really left things too long.

I’ve also been very remiss about returning emails. If you’re written to me, thank you! I am not ignoring you and will write back shortly.

The problem, I’ve discovered, is that I’m a one-trick pony. Am working on Book "Seven days life", and when I’m doing that I can’t write anything else. Nothing. It’s like my mind turns itself on when I sit down to work on a chapter, and just switches itself off when the chapter’s packed up.

Good news! Am now on Chapter 2 (three, really, if you count the preamble). Now the doubt sets in. I find there are at least two stages to writing. The first stage is when you feel really good and confident. The second stage is when you think, “OMG, it’s all awful.” You can go back and forth between these two poles endlessly: confidence, despair, confidence, despair. It’s a tiny bit crazy-making.

There are wonderful people in the world called editors, and I’ll be contacting mine soon for some professional feedback. A few clear words from an editor (“fix this,” or “this doesn’t work,” or “have you thought about X?”) can totally stop the crazy see-saw. The problem is that you can’t contact an editor until the material is pretty much ready to go, and to get to that point…well, it’s the see-saw again.

I’m blogging today because I’m not writing. I have a headache, and–even WORSE–it’s starting to get hot in Delhi. Like, really hot. I have a fan and a air cooler but I hate feeling as though I can’t head out during the days. My brain just fries. I lose my glasses and forget my sunblock and it all just goes downhill… :(

See! I do love to blog. I could babble on for hours. I like reaching out. I just have to try harder to do this while I’m writing. There might be one or two of you still reading. I wouldn’t be surprised if everyone else gave up on me. There will be more to follow. More b*tching about the summer. Updates on the book. Oh, and stuff about loneliness and isolation and how to respond to it.