Blue Stone

Pricking Stones in life..

My life is already stumbling down the hill and it stumbles even further. Thanks to 'you' for making my life even harder and complicated. i'm done here and forever.

On another note, I am feeling lonely, empty and upset. 

I don’t seem to come across any sincere and genuinely nice person.

Arrrgghhh! I am done with talking and expressing shits!

n' i know this is my happy ending? Then so be it…

The World where I live...

Traditional Kitchen Stove

I was the Victim of a devilish world...

"When my life was quickly falling out of my hands and reality wasn't within reach, I felt helpless... I needed to find a way out somehow, someone or something to influence me in a better way by helping me out of the major hole I had dug myself into."
 

New Life...

It all began when I moved away from my life in New Delhi..a city far away my dream land..!
(I don't want to be moved)


I am afraid of changes. I am afraid to fail. I don’t know what I should do. As much as I want to go, I feel half-hearted at the same time. I really don’t know what’s holding me back. I have made it this far but I don’t know why I am hesitating.
Sometimes I wish I would just be a kid again. No Worries, No Burdens, No Arguments, No Misunderstandings, No Responsibilities, Nothing at all. Being in this situation really sucks. God, tell me what’s the best for my future. Tell me in my dreams… I am really stuck right now.


When you love something or somebody, you feel like you are in heaven. But when they leave you, everything looks ugly and sucks. How I really wish that people won’t have to give me such challenges in my already stressful life? How I really wish that people can be nicer after so much I have done? How I really wish people can accept my flaws when I can accept ALL their flaws?
It’s totally unfair… Why do they always think that they did nothing and you are the only person who keeps screwing things up? It’s nothing but heart aches…


Still I want to patch up the things, though compensating with things I have lost..
I actually miss the way it was 3-4year before.
But there are things that no matter how you push through, no matter how you want to back again,
It's just the way it is...
Maybe he's right, it's time to accept, to let go, move on and get a life without her.


"Don’t you know I'm still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
'Im still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind"

My first week of college...

" As I entered the quad, anxious to begin my college experience, I began to feel very nervous.
The thought of actually being in college frightened me."

I hate dis study!!

One of my biggest fear about freshman year was coping with moving so far away from my parents...
But I decided I'd just have to take this as an opportunity to grow. I knew it I'd be different, but there were a few things that hit me harder than I was anticipating.

I'm out of my own : 
I have to fight off the temptation of hanging out with friends just doors away & whip myself into studies, or doing laundry, or eating, for that matter...I have literally forgotten to eat meals. And on that note, while the dinner hall food is actually good, its nothing like mum's food.
Well on the plus side, I don't have to ask permission just to get out of the "house". My schedule is now mine...

My parents know I'm on my own :
Which means that when I checked my cell phone after the lectures last Thursday, there were twelve text messages and few miss calls from the same two phone numbers that belongs to my house...!

I actually like it here, sometimes :
The biggest challenge of all has been balancing past and future. I promised my parents for some webcam time, I told my friends I'd call, I owe my sister a mail...
But at the same time, I want to check out some campus events, I want to study with new people, I want to go out to dinner with my roommate. As much as I miss seeing my friends & my family...I genuinely feel at home so far, and I almost feel guilty for it....!

While there have been tough ropes to race through, they have all made some of the best moments of my first week of college and a challenge still a invaluable lesson for the rest of my life...
Adjusting to a new environment, being exposed to different types of people and deeply evaluating my relationships are all things I would have had to face eventually.. I'm just glad that I took the chance to do so at a time and place where thousands of other students are going through the same thing!

(A Piece from my diary-entry & answer to someone who asked me - "why am I not like others?")

Above picture is taken at Sukna, West Bengal. 15th March, 9:17PM during 12th board Exam. 

My world...my journey of a utopia

my destiny...!

I think in a sense seeing how films have changed me and seeing how fiction moves me more than facts in many ways, and I think that I can talk for many people that fiction moves us more than real life, it certainly helps us to set forth on this a journey of a utopia, which can never be achieved....




taken on 04 march,2011 sunset time

Rocky hills

on the rocky hill..

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made straight and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together....so atleast i can drive my scooter!!


taken at Army school sukna, West Beengal. 7th April,2010 Principal's office view.

life...along its journey

Journey to the life...

Love is what we are born with... Fear is what we learn.

The journey of life is the unlearning of fear and prejudices and the acceptance of love back in our hearts. Love is the essential reality and our purpose on earth. To be consciously aware of it, to experience love in ourselves and others, is the meaning of life...because Meaning does not lie in things. Meaning lies in us....!

Marine life...

Water world

This is fish number six hundred and forty-one in a lifetime of goldfish. My parents bought me the first one to teach me about loving and caring for another living breathing creature of God. Six hundred and forty fish later, the only thing I know is everything you love will die. The first time you meet that someone special, you can count on them one day being dead and in the ground...

God is near, with me

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

I paint my sky "red".

Paint my sky..."red"

Artists can color the sky red because they know it's blue. Those of us who aren't artists must color things the way they really are or people might think we're stupid.

And having suffered for part of the war when I was a child. I was too young to really understand what was going on but one of my favorite pieces of animation now is that Goodbye Blue Sky in The Wall because that deals directly with that period in time.

May–July 1999 Kargil war

taken at my PG room,Janakpuri, New Delhi on 17 Nov,2010 Evening.

Rhyming of life...and its rhythm.

Rhythm of life

As I look over my work, I mean every time I look over my early work, I see, yes, I could do that then and then I could do that and that... That may be the hardest thing for a writer, at least for a poet, to tell what the identity of his work is.
But when I had any real identity, I was a traveler. I grew up an Army brat, a runaway, an activist, and a musician. All my life I've been traveling.

taken at Army Day,West Bengal

house.. to make a beautiful home

house in the heaven.

I'm a different person off the court than I am on the court, where I'm very competitive, a perfectionist, and I can be hard on myself sometimes. Off the court, nothing really bothers me. I'm easy-going.

I love to be a person of dual identity.As a young teenager I looked desperately for things to read that might excuse me or assure me I wasn't the only one, that might confirm an identity I was unhappily piecing together.

taken during a trip to darjeeling,West Bengal from our bus, 12.Aug.2010, time: 3:21PM 

love hurts...in my emptiness!!

Rohan Rathore was a student from the Indian Institute of Technology, Guwhati, India. He had terminal cancer.

He wrote and sung a song 'Emptiness' for Supriya - a girl he loved more than anything and anyone in the world. Unfortunately, she didn't return his love. He sang about his hurt and longing, and even though they don't end up together, this song was something he felt he had to do. He died just 15 days after recording the song. Truly a very painful love story.

grey skies...

Fresh air..

Nothing is more beautiful than the loveliness of the woods before sunrise.

orange skies

Life lines of the world.

Know where to find the sunrise and sunset times and note how the sky looks at those times, at least once:-)

taken at NJP railway station, 7.Oct.2010, morning: 4:12AM

Some assorted picx by me..

sunset.